Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize