You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
