She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
