Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
