don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
