ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
