Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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