I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
