How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
