A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
