Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i will never coherently bang her
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
