I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize