bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
