11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
