the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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