my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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