Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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