It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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