just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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