the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
