I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
