Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
