Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
