I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
