you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
