K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
