Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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