She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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