Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
