I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
