I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
