So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
