Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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