I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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