why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
