This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
