Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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