Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize