I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
