no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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