sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
