I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize