Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Alive.
So much puke
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
