Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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