the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
