just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
