Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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