They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
