Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
