i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
