apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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