Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
