Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize