I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We left the knife in your bed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
