The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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