The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
