i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
