no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
