You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
