i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize