Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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