...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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