So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
