We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
