the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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