Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
