i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
