i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
