i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
