The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Randomize
