That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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