Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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